Just me

Having a blog is sorta like life. No one really notices it or thinks about you. You can pass through with minimal contact or you can try to make yourself (your blog) look more appealing to catch more attention. You can try to be more interesting to get more readers (or conversations). It seems as though the only time people really notice is wait.....I am not sure they do. It's a blessing and a curse. You can have a total melt down and people don't respond. They are self preserving. They can't get caught in your crap because they are up to their elbows in their own crap. It makes it sad and lonely sometimes. Other times its great because you feel free like no one will notice what you say or do so you can say or do anything.
Sometimes I wish I was less social. That I was quieter more able to be alone. That I didn't need human interaction in my day. I wouldn't have to feel lonely if I stayed in because I got a lot of things accomplished. I could feel good about that. It's hard for me because I just feel lonely about it. Not on purpose its just the way of my social nature. Anyway I should figure out this single thing. I don't really know how to do it anymore. I have spent the last several years in relationships bouncing from one to the other and the last year and a half with my current husband. Being alone feels just that way. ALONE! Is it what I want? No. Is it what I need to figure out? Probably. Do I want to? No. I am wrestling with this. Anyways I wish I had some good friends here I could pour my heart out to. I have friends but I mean the kind you share a kleenex with and call in the middle of the night because you are lonely or had too much tequila.